It makes the breakup as difficult as possible for your ex.Īlright, now we’re getting into the real psychology here. No Contact can also give you a better perspective on things - I’ve had a number of clients that, after 30 days of radio silence, have decided their ex isn’t actually worth pursuing and that they’d be better off moving on.Įssentially, to sum it up, No Contact puts you in a much better headspace where you can think more clearly and be less influenced by your emotions. After a month of ignoring your ex, you’ll be in a much better place psychologically, and a lot less likely to get angry or break down in tears when you actually do begin speaking to your ex again. It gives you time to cool down and get some perspective.Īlong similar lines to what I just talked about, another benefit to going silent after a breakup is that it gives you time to get a handle on your own emotions. Ignoring your ex is a simple and effective way to ensure that you don’t make that same mistake. Simply put, most people let their emotions get the best of them in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, and end up doing something stupid - like begging and pleading with their ex, lashing out in anger, being too clingy and needy, etc. In my 12 years as a breakup coach, I’ve seen hundreds if not thousands of clients blow their chance at getting back together simply because they did or said something dumb. Most people are very, very emotional after a breakup. The sooner you can do this after breaking up, the better.Ī lot of people are understandably skeptical about the effectiveness of this strategy, because at first it sounds somewhat counterintuitive - how can you get your ex back if you just completely ignore them? 1. No Contact means exactly what it sounds like: no phone calls, no text messages, no late night booty calls, and so on. Basically, if you want to get a second chance with your ex, then one of the first things you need to do is apply a period of No Contact–essentially, you want to ignore your ex for at least 30 days. Let’s talk about ignoring your ex and why this helps you get them back.īefore we dive into the psychology of ignoring your ex, and why it works, let me quickly explain what my No Contact strategy involves. Silence is a key part of the No Contact Strategy.
If the other person is trying to communicate and fix the problem and you're snubbing them, they're doing all the work.You can get your ex back without saying anything at all.
The person being shut out feels hurt, abandoned and like their words are falling on deaf ears. They just sit and pout until the other person asks them what's wrong. Often, people who use the silent treatment don't even tell the person they're snubbing what they've done wrong. It's shutting someone out, and refusing to address an issue or a grievance. In a relationship or friendship, the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. So then you've got two people who aren't communicating and no one wins. The person you're snubbing feels hurt and confused, and either does everything in their power to get you to start talking to them again or gets angry and, in turn, snubs you back. Resentments build up, issues get unresolved. You're saying to the other person, "I don't want to address our problems, so I'm just going to shut you out until I get my way." If anything, the silent treatment makes things worse. It's like a child holding his breath until he gets what he wants.
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